from the "earache my eye" dept.

The little bastards!

Sometimes, when the extraneous noise is loud enough, I use a pair of in-the-ear headphones with my radio, computer and/or television. They're comfortable and really isolate the outside world.

My pair has little rubber ends on each bud. These are removable and interchangeable with other little rubber ends to ensure the perfect fit.

The other night I was isolating myself from the outside world and didn't realize that when I pulled the headphones out, one of the rubber ends remained in my ear. I didn't feel anything in there until I went to bed. I usually wear earplugs at night and when I jammed in the right one, I noticed that it a) didn't go in as far as the left and b) hurt like bleedin' hell.

I went to sleep.

The next morning I noticed that my ear still hurt and that one of the tips was missing from the headphones. Oh oh.

I poked around with my finger. Nothing. I poked around with a Q-tip. Nothing. I poked around with some tweezers (BAD idea). Nothing.

Maybe the tip fell to the floor?

Later that day I was at the pool and had someone, armed with a flashlight, look in my ear canal. They couldn't find anything -- not even my brain.

About a week later the ear felt weird. When I swam, the water would take longer to drain. And there was still occasional pain.

This morning I went to the local clinic and had a Spanish speaking doctor have a look. This wasn't as easy as it sounds.

ME: Mi espanol poco.

DR.: (Something in Spanish)

ME: Headphono in my ear-o.

DR.: (More in Spanish)

ME: Del oido... auditivo... auricular...

I then pulled out my headphones and did a pantomime to try and explain my predicament. Being an educated man, the doctor soon realized what I was going on about. He took his little ear flashlight thingie and peered deep into my head.

DR.: Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Now, I may not understand much Spanish, but I certainly could translate what he was saying: "What in the hell does this idiot have jammed in his ear? What is he? Four?"

At least it wasn't a gerbil.

Then he had me lie down and roll over. I waited for the snap of a rubber glove. And with little warning he inserted some sort of spreading device into my head, followed by a disconcertingly large pair of tweezery things.

He dug around for a while and I pretended it didn't hurt -- which was easy, because it didn't

After a few minutes of poking around and tsk-tsk-tsking, he pulled a small circle of rubber out. So it WAS in there.

I shrugged and thanked the good doctor. He charged me 150 Guatemalan Quetzals ($21) and sent me on my way with a prescription for ear drops -- to ward off any infection.

And I learned a lesson: Ear canal headphones suck and any removable tips should be Superglued in place. I also learned that San Pedro has a great clinic.

Just another day in paradise...

Cheers!